Monday, February 22, 2010

How Does One Let Go??

This time must be so very heart wrenching for Marv, I cannot imagine.
I talked with Carol today and each phone call Marv has with his children breaks his heart. It may be the last - one never knows. They cry, he totally knocks him out afterward. He is soooo very tired.

Can Marv feel God holding on? I know that Jesus never lets go - even through the storms. What a storm Marv is riding. God calling him home, but that bit of fight, that tearing of his heart that makes him want to stay with his children.

Carol has been such a testimony of faith. I know she is strong in front of Marv. He is alright with leaving her - together they are at peace. Yet, I can imagine Carol pulling over as she runs out for an errand to have a good cry. I sure would be! And do...even though I know God has glorious plans for all of us to be together again, I still mourn, and have a good cry when I am alone. I gave Carol a hug good-bye today...not sure if a hug would set her off, it's such a touch and go situation. But I wanted her to know I am there for her, too, and not just Marv.

I will never forget the Sunday, months ago, when we sang, "You Never Let Go" by Matt Redman. I witnessed Marv and Carol gripping each other's hand out of the corner of my eye. And they sang with strengthend voices, taking the words of the song to hear. Are you familiar? Here you go...

YOU NEVER LET GO by Matt Redman
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You
(Chorus 2x's)

Please continue to lift up Marv and his family. I feel in my heart, and today - I sensed it in Carol, that Marv's earthly journey is almost done. Carol said that Marv told her the number 7 kept popping into his head today. She said, "that's biblical". If I recall my teaching from Pastor Rod correctly, the number 7 is in reference to "being made complete". If that is true, then I clearly sense a divine message being sent.

Despite all we are going through, we always need to remember that God is good, and He never lets go of us. Even when we are angry at Him, depressed, feeling hurt, or extremely ill. When we are down-hearted, weary, and feel we cannot go another day...God picks us up and gets us through.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Zapped, Depleted, Void of Energy

Another update on Marv is warranted today. I talked with Carol, Marv's wife this morning. He is totally zapped. Mentally and spiritually stripped down - like a big vacuum came in and sucked out all his energy. The hospice chaplain was in yesterday...and that is his diagnosis after being with Marv. Phones have been shut off, and a sign on their door (which was previously open to all) states no visitors unless by appointment, and limited to 15 min.

In talking with Carol I was reminded of this story:
Matthew 5
21When Jesus had again crossed over by boat to the other side of the lake, a large crowd gathered around him while he was by the lake. 22Then one of the synagogue rulers, named Jairus, came there. Seeing Jesus, he fell at his feet 23and pleaded earnestly with him, "My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her so that she will be healed. A large crowd followed and pressed around him. 25And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. 26She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. 27When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, 28because she thought, "If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed." 29Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering. 30At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, "Who touched my clothes?" 31"You see the people crowding against you," his disciples answered, "and yet you can ask, 'Who touched me?' " 32But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. 33Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. 34He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."

Jesus' power was zapped, did you catch that? Even our Almighty was drained in his ministry of healing the spiritually and physically unhealthy. Marv has been seeing a stream of visitors, despite being fatigued. It is his nature to help others, his desire for others to discover God's grace and be redeemed - despite the costs of his own well-being. Each visit drained him of energy. But Jesus, besides being Jesus, spent every early morning ALONE and in prayer with his Father in heaven - His energy was renewed.

We haven't had a visit with Marv since his 75th birthday in January, and although it has been hard, we know how important his energy level is.
A "check-in" phone call mid-week, and a quick hug before and after church had to do, he could handle no more. Marv needs...alone time, to be with his heavenly Father. He needs to hear God whispering his name, the Spirit breathing inside him - the ruack that gives life. Marv needs his space, and with all that he has done for so many, we owe that to him, as difficult as it may be to stay away. Quiet time allows God to renew, we know that for certain.

I don't know whether to ask for prayer for his extreme fatigue and energy renewal, or for God to be merciful and take his beloved son Home. Please pray for Carol, and heck, my family too. This is a hard day. I strongly feel there is power in numbers, and ask that you please lift Marv up. Thanks so VERY much.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Overdue - Mondays With Marv Update

It's been awhile since I have posted. I will be the first to say, the process of dying confuses me. One week I get the feeling we are going to lose Marv any day, and then I see him and think, "wow, he is looking better" and he says he is feeling better and starting to eat again, thanks to some new meds...and it seems like he could go on indefinitely...or at least much longer than what it had seemed. Confused? I know I am.

Monday's with Marv officially ended three weeks ago. We did not meet January 18th, and come the 25th Marv confessed he was too tired to continue meeting. Our bible study is not until 4:30 in the afternoon, and although I know my great boss would let me out any time of the day to meet with Marv, Jesse cannot get out of work, and drive back to town mid-morning. How sad. Marv did say that we were the last activity he was hanging on to. I am sure going to miss our Monday evenings with this man!!

Sundays are short greetings, hugs and good-byes. Marv is still making to to church, but it is an effort. As of Feb. 14 we switched worship venues - to the worship service location at Blackhawk that is nearest, A. the restroom, and B. the nurses station. Carol wants to make she if Marv passes out or worse, we have a short distance to the cot in the nurses station where she can call hospice. We've gone from the main venue, 3rd row what I call the "rock n' roll" venue, back row. Actually the energetic music is great and there is no way Marv can nod off during the music. (LOL)

I did create a layout of Marv and myself. Hidden journaling spills my guts of how I am feeling through this time, the confusion, the wishes, the heart. Scrapbooking is indeed good therapy. I highly recommend it if you are going through a similar situation.

God's peace to you all. I suppose Monday's With Marv is no more so technically this series has come to a halt. But our trust and hope in God will never be halted - we go forth knowing a better world is to come.